I want to start recording what life feels like at the moment, because it's a time of transition. My children have grown up, and are both about to get married. It's a time when relatives are growing older and there's a shift in the balance of our relationships - I'm beginning to try out the role of carer, and feel the need to take responsibility for those on whom I always leaned, who always had responsibility for me.
So I want to capture some of this, and at the same time to record how I'm dealing with the changes, and the challenges, and the different responsibilities.
Today I'm thinking about autumn leaves. On Friday I attended the funeral of a dear uncle. Uncle E was in his 90s, and I hadn't seen him for some time, Yet as my mother said, there's now an Uncle E shaped space in the world. At the funeral we committed him to God, and heard about a life well-lived. But the poignancy of the RAF March Past played as we entered the chapel, and the finality I always feel as the coffin disappears, still left me feeling sad.
At the meal afterwards we listened to old Frank Sinatra songs, and Big Band favourites that Uncle E loved. And yesterday I heard another version of the song 'Autumn Leaves' on Radio 3, during a programme meditating on music and poetry of the fall of the year.
Life goes on, and life comes to an end. And as I begin to build my empty nest I reflect on that. It's sad, but it needn't lead to despair, because there is glory in the autumn leaves.
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