Monday 30 December 2013

An unexpected wedding dress

Christmas is over.  It was fun and exhausting.  On Christmas Day we hosted 12 people for lunch, including an overseas student friend of son G, and G's fiancee, my sister and her family, and our parents. 

On Boxing Day we made our annual trip to the nearby city where my parents live to celebrate Dad's birthday.  We joined half the city to walk around the lake in the local park.  It was very atmospheric - there was a faint mist through which we could see the lake in one direction, a sheet of silver, and in the other up the hill the park's stately home looking faintly sinister and gothic.  Everything was monochrome - black, grey, silver, and trailing white mist.

After lunch further friends and family joined us and after tea we played Mornington Crescent.  I 'won'.

On 27 December we went to husband R's family tea, when we commemorate his late Mum's birthday.  This time the games involved pulling names out of a bag and defining them in as few words as possible so other people could guess them. 

In between all of this, son G and his fiancee met friends and looked at where they might live once they're married.  Meanwhile daughter S felt sad because her fiance was with his grandparents and couldn't join us for Christmas.  She also felt sad because everything is changing.  But we've already talked about creating new traditions in the new families that will come into being after next August.  In some ways it will be a plus - the children will no longer have to endure rice pudding on Christmas Eve - a tradition I created after reading about it in a magazine article as something some European countries do.  They hide almonds in the rice pudding, and anyone who gets an almond receives a prize.  I thought it was a good idea because a milk pudding would be easy to digest before the richness of Christmas food, and also because it was fun to have the presents (usually little Christmas novelty chocolates from Thorntons, or, when they made them, Body Shop soap animals).  But although they put up with it for the sake of the prizes, the children have always disliked the actual rice pudding and asked for the smallest portions possible.  So this is a tradition they can discard.

Another tradition has been visiting the sales.  We've always done this in a somewhat desultory way, so haven't queued through the night for bargains, but nevertheless we like to see what's been discounted.  This time though, S also used the opportunity to go into the Oxfam shop and see if they'd had any additions to their second hand wedding dress rail.  They had, and one of them was lovely, and we bought it.  S was very pleased because it combined all the elements she'd hoped for in a wedding dress, whilst enabling us to make a donation to Oxfam.  She'd often said she wanted to buy her wedding dress from Oxfam because she felt it was more ethical, but she'd tried on dresses in other wedding shops to see what suited her and what she liked.  I had been shocked to find what poor quality material the 'new' dresses were - several had lace so harsh it actually brought S up in a rash.  But the Oxfam dress is made of lovely material - it will need some alterations to help it fit, but it's gorgeous.

And today I found my first 'mother of the bride/groom' outfit, at a sale price in a small shop that specialises in special occasions.

So we are inching further towards being ready for the big days.

Meanwhile, G's fiancee has taken delivery of her bridesmaids' dresses, which are charming.

Christmas has brought us the gifts of fun, and family time, and slightly unexpectedly some important clothes.

Saturday 21 December 2013

Letting go

This year the run up to Christmas has seemed much easier.  Even though we went away for the weekend at the beginning of December, thus cutting out some valuable preparation days, it has seemed less pressurised.

Why is this?

I think it's because the 'children' have been quietly completing some of the tasks I usually feel I need to do.  So daughter S helped me buy and bring home the Christmas tree last Saturday, and then decorated it, and I didn't need to do anything - with young children you still have to dig out the decorations and supervise the hanging of them.  When son G's fiancee arrived (she's staying with us for Christmas) he was mildly irritated when I checked if he'd offered her a cup of tea - of course he had, he's an adult in his mid-20s. 

Even though I still prepare a stocking for the children, and indeed this year have bought stocking gifts for their fiances, it's still felt less anxious than the years when I was frantically wrapping little gifts at 11.30pm on Christmas Eve.

The internet helps, because we could order various presents online.   

As I sit here, daughter S's fiance B has just brought us a slice of pizza, as we're ensconced in the study whilst they have a party with S's old school friends.  (It's actually the second party today - we had mulled wine and mince pies for neighbours and friends from 11am-1pm, and then S's friends arrived for their party.  It's finishing with a trip to the cinema.  This would not have been possible a few years ago because the double organisation would have defeated me.)

I'm enjoying this because it makes Christmas more fun.  I've always loved it but got quite stressed.  But I suppose a part of me feels strange that they no longer depend on me in the same way, and that in fact I can begin to depend on them to be involved, as adults, in all that family life requires. 

This time next year the Christmas cards will just be sent from two of us instead of four, and we will be negotiating with other families for time with the two newly married couples.  It will be different.  But letting go brings new pleasures, and no doubt this will continue as they begin to develop their own traditions, and involve us in them.

It's a Christmas of transition, but it's less difficult than I expected.

The best things this week: Finding a bizarre Fairtrade toy octopus as a present,  listening to wonderful John Rutter carols, and having all six of us (including the two fiances) together for the wekend
The worst thing this week:  We keep waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning for no reason and then it's difficult to get back to sleep



Wednesday 11 December 2013

Joy

Daughter S and I visited a Victorian Christmas fair the Sunday before last, in a local market town.  We went on the train.  It was a cold, sunny day, and we ate roast chestnuts and bought Christmas tree decorations in the shape of tiny gingerbread men.

One of the attractions was a small old-fashioned 'ferris wheel', only large enough for young children.  One little boy was so excited that he was screaming with joy every time his chair went over the top of the wheel, waving his arms and legs, his face a picture of delight.

We enjoyed ourselves in a more sedate way, but it was a magical afternoon, which finished with a beautiful sunset, the bare trees silhouetted against flame coloured clouds.  On the train, the guard was wearing a contraption which blared out Christmas hits - it was bizarre but fun.

Last weekend we went in a family party to France - Husband R and me, Dad H, son G, sister T and her husband C, and friend B.  We stayed in a restaurant with rooms, taking up four of the five rooms, and pigged out on gourmet food.  On Saturday, some of us visited nearby Hazebrouck, once again on a train, but this time a double-decker train (the restaurant Le Buffet is literally opposite Isbergues Station). We met St Nicholas outside a cafe, who gave us delicious little cups of hot chocolate.

At the end of the visit, when we paid the bill, the proprietor's wife presented us with two bottles of wine, to enjoy when the family is together at Christmas.  Before going back through the Tunnel we walked on the beach at Calais, and saw the White Cliffs of Dover.

Now I'm back at work and have just finished a lengthy report about a piece of work which I've had to do in a very short space of time.  I feel exhausted, but it's done, and it's been an example of how a team can pull together and create something worthwhile.

The empty nest is getting closer - this time next year we can still visit the Christmas fair, or take a trip to France, but the family unit of 4 will be 2 - or sometimes  6. 

I'm relishing the joys of these times, a bit like the small boy on the ferris wheel, making the most of them.  And looking forward to new sources of joy when everything changes next year.

The best thing about the last week:  Hard to choose one, but probably travelling  upstairs for the first time on a French double decker train
The worst thing:  having to get up really early for work when I'm not a morning person